Yep, I'm blogging

Our breaks went out last week and the car was in the shop over the weekend.  My parents rock and mom made sure we got to Target on Saturday for baby formula, supplies for Leo the dog, Drano, and other non-necessity items that I thought we just had to have.  That always happens to me at Target!  Dad was kind enough to drive me to the shop to pick the fixed car up and while I was in the hood I figured I’d invite myself over for dinner at my sisters.  No shame!  And no groceries!

The kids greeted me in their usual adorable way and we hung out for a bit before dinner was ready.  Delicious chicken burritos were on the menu and served on the back porch.  Theresa was leaving soon for a meeting at her kids school so she caught up a bit with her hubby while we ate.  Sadly, one of her friends recently miscarried and she let Russ know quietly.  Aaron has super hearing so he immediately asked “what was that mom, what happened?!”  Theresa, in her typical calm and wise manner, explained to him that a friend had lost her baby.  At this point Ruthie chimed in and began to tell me they had a brother or sister they never met because it had died in mom’s belly.  Aaron then asked how old the baby would be at this point.  It was all I could do from throwing my arms around them and weeping!  Not only because their innocent innocence was heart melting, but because I will always remember what Theresa said to me when I miscarried. 

She called me a few days after it happened to confess that Dad had told her.  I originally did NOT want people to know.  I thought it would hurt less or maybe be less real if nobody knew.  Theresa called to hug me over the phone and suggest I do talk with friends about it.  She said the healing process would be easier having shoulders to cry on. I will never forget and will always believe what she said that day.  She said “Sarah, you now have a family.  You have a child, they just live in heaven”.  I wouldn't want my baby any other place if they couldn't be with us!

Heavy stuff for an 8 and 4 year old!  So, I finished off Clares’ abandoned burrito and retired to the living room.  Miles was eating anything he could get his hands on while Clare and Dominic bonk, sneed, and kissed him.  James was pulling his hair while Miles climbed up him.  Ruthie ran into the room, jumped on the couch and loudly proclaimed “Aunt Sarah, you should stop smoking. It is so bad for you and has chemicals and will kill you!”   Ah, duh, what? Uuuum, ok, wait what?!  I honestly was speechless – that really doesn't happen often!  Theresa then explained that Aaron decided two days ago to tell everyone about the time he caught me and Aunt Anna smoking on the beach in Cape Cod.  Back in late June!  It’s mid-August boy!  Learn how to tattle tale! 

Ruthie had broken my heart for the second time in one night.  I simply cannot even fathom Miles pleading with me to quit smoking.  Yes, I continue to indulge/commit suicide.  Go ahead and judge me, yell at me, de-friend me on Facebook – none of it has worked in the past, just saying! 

What did work was Ruthie’s little face looking up at me with sheer honesty and no filter telling me to stop.   Nicorette here I come!  I don’t care if I have to chew that crap for the next 10 years, I will not be a smoker mom!  Boooooo- a smoker mom?! 

This life changing, heart wrenching, mind messing, goodness, all happened in about 2 hours at the Blackstone household.  Plus, I didn't even mention the ladybug shoes I gave to Clare, the Lego crane request from Dominic, or Ruthie’s joy over the prospect of coming over and trying on my jewelry.   THIS is why we moved to Buffalo, THIS is why family comes first, THIS is why my life is almost too wonderful to be!