Delivery Day

40 weeks

Miles was in breech position for my entire third trimester. When he was born his right arm went straight above his head while eating, sleeping, or just hanging out. I finally understood why it felt like he was punching me in the ribs all day long for three months. My doctor offered to perform a version in the hopes that Miles would turn and be in the right position for a natural birth. I decided against it because I was afraid of the pain and the possibility he would go right back to hanging out in my ribs. I don’t want to use the word “regret” but I can’t think of another to describe my regret in not going through with the version. I very much wanted to have a natural birth and still wish I had experienced it. We were given the option to schedule a C-section on October 31^st or November 4^th. We chose November 4^th because it was actually Miles due date but also because I did not want a Halloween baby.

I woke up to use the bathroom for the thirtieth time the night before our scheduled C-section at about 4:00 AM. I waddled back to the bedroom and the moment I finally got comfortable again, my water broke. No one ever told me what the deal with that was. I just knew, this wasn't pee! Rob immediately started hyperventilating and screamed something about calling our doctor. I was so excited and thought maybe this was a sign I would be able to actually give birth to Miles. Robby took Leo out for a quick pee and was back upstairs in a flash. At this point I was confused, why was my water still breaking? What nobody ever told me, was that stuff just keeps on coming until the baby is out. Thank goodness my older sister, mother of 5, told me to invest in the kind of pads that might as well be diapers they’re so freaking big.

We grabbed my overnight bag and hailed an unassuming cab on Queens Boulevard. Poor guy, we told him 59^th and Lex and he probably was like “great, this b*^#h is gonna leak amniotic fluid all over my s&*t”. And I did, and I was really sorry, but not sorry enough to take the time (other than swiping my coat over it) to clean it up. I know, so gross! You’re welcome to all the readers who are living in NYC- hope you think of that every time you grab a cab. We did tip well and even kept the receipt for Miles baby book.

I walked up to the desk at Labor and Delivery to let them my water broke and my doctor said to meet her there. For whatever reason, it seemed like they didn't believe me. I think it was because I so calm and collected. Really I was. A nurse took me into a bathroom and asked me to take off my pants. I didn’t even have them to my knees and she stated “oh yes, you’re grossly ruptured”. Never did she explain what that meant, I assumed it was a medical term for: You’re going to have this baby really soon. She escorted me out to the desk where Robby was biting off what little nails he had left. The nurse let some other nurses know that I was grossly ruptured and should be brought to a room. All Robby heard was “gross” and “ruptured” and continued to have a mild stroke.

Miles had not budged and we agreed to go forward with the C-section. My brother-in-law and Robby were told to wait in the room while I was taken to be drugged. My OB was there to comfort me, and to keep me warm while I had the spinal. The operating room was 15 degrees below 0 and after the drugs they put these big, kinky tubes that were blowing hot air under my gown…or was it a blanket? The first injection felt like a colony of fire ants attacking my back, I did not feel the second one at all. Probably about .06 seconds after that shot, I plopped down on the table and was thoroughly high.

The hospital staff along with my OB and anesthesiologist were listening to an 80’s/90’s station. The first song I remember was Jackson Five. There was a little Cypress Hill, Cake, and House of Pain. Miles was delivered to Jump Around. Kind of my favorite part of the whole experience. At some point they allowed Robby into the room. I apparently was very whiny and although I was really happy to have him there, turning toward the left made me nauseous. A couple days after the surgery I recalled this and told Robby I was thankful for not puking. He let me know I threw up twice. Don’t remember that at all! I suppose morphine injected into your spine might make your stomach a bit queasy. Robby has a few really great stories from the operating room and tells them so much better than I could.

One of the moments I remember vividly was when my OB let me know it was time to take Miles out. I could actually feel the tugging and pulling. The feeling crept all the way up into my chest. In a dramatic moment I grasped for Robby’s hand and cried “It feels like they’re pulling out my heart…and they are!” I remember laughing at myself after saying it, but it truly was an emotional moment. That moment when your baby is no longer only yours. The moment he is brought into this world and free to love and be loved. Our relationship was changing so drastically and it was as if I was losing a piece of my heart.

He was long and a shade of purple/blue. Robby and I sobbed, he was blue and gangly and absolutely perfect. I don’t remember much after that. Miles was cleaned up and given to Rob for a little skin to skin.

Kind of a creepy shot, right? Nothing is right about it. I look dead and Robby's eyes are scary.

I had given birth. It was not what I had imagined and I only remember snip its, but I delivered a healthy, gangly, blue, screaming, big eared, baby boy.